_______不能说的秘密______

Saturday, October 25, 2008

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hey guys...
i am back..
this time round...
my heart is abit held back...
for some things tat had happen...
and things tat are goin to happen...

i dono for wat reason...
i hav been doin reflections every nite b4 i slp in camp..
and i wont get to slp after gettin the conclusion of the reflections...
a few things tat i hav been thinkin...

1st... i knw my character sux...
i like to critisize pple wid their weakness...
and i like to compare my good points wid pple's bad points...
the worst thing is... i will make pple around me to feel the same as i do...
and the result of tat is.. to make tat person i hate to be hated by lots of pple...

2nd... i don like pple to accuse me... even if they did nt do it on purpose..
i will hav the urge to bring my fist to their mouth.. which i nearly do it in camp for gettin
accuse of nt flushing the damn urinal...

3rd.. i always look down on pple who are weaker than me... and think great abt myself..
and forget abt my own weakness...

4th... i always make fun of pple wid their weakness to entertain the rest of the crowd..
which always make the victim nth to say but just to laugh at themself...

friends.. if i ever did those stuff to you guys.. pls forgive me...

Now..
this is wat i felt deeply in myself...
all this days in camp... i din receive any smses until the day i book out...
my phone bat lasted for 6 days and there were still 3 bar of bat in my phone...
while the rest are busy chattin wid their loves 1 over the phone...
i am lyin alone on my bed... placing my phone on my chest... waitin desperately for
my phone to vibrate.. waitin for some1 who bother so sms me...
i din knw tat i would get tat lonely in camp...

i lost all internal emotions and feelings... suddenly.. i dono wat are friends for..
suddenly i feel tat wat i did for my friends are nt impt anymore...
suddenly everythin is like GONE in my whole life...

all my life.. i am always seekin acceptance... hoping tat some1 would accept me for who i am..
but HAHA.. i am nt willing to even reveal myself to any1... to me.. i dono who i can really trust..
cos every time when i wanted to trust some1 wid wat i am left wid... i will always end up being feeling like tat... emptiness and disappointment...

mayb just being alone by myself will make my life a better 1 for myself...
who don wana be love my many?
who don wana hav everythin they wan in life?
all i wanted WAS simple...
but now..
i dono wat i wan anymore...

and kent is once again... being the guy u all knw...
the guy who always walkin around alone at the back while the rest were in their own group..
cos kent don like to mix around... i am anti-social or watever term u all like to name...
i am just being myself... all the change did nt improve my happiness in life...
all i knw now is... i wan to be alone again... enjoyin the quietness by myself...
will any1 bother abt me? sometimes i just wonder who reali will drop a trueful tears on the day when i leave this world... who would really rmb me as their good friends or watever u all wanted to name it... am i being any significant in any 1 of your life??

haha... wat a stupid question to ask... who would come to kent and tell him how great he was to their life... all i knw is... i am tired of all this... tired of doin so much... puttin so much effort and all i always get back was disappointment.. and here i am.. grinning abt my own pathetic life... and who will ever care??

Labels: EMO-ED kent

Signing Off On|10/25/2008 10:12:00 PM|

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Saturday, October 18, 2008

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i am back...
din update cos i din hav time to do it..
nth much to update also...

so now i am here

i was havin so much fun in camp...
trainin is part and parcel in army camp...
i realise i improve alot in my physical fitness and appearance
meanin u look more men now..

past few days in camp...
i was waitin for msg from some1..
but tat some1 din msg me until i called her n sms her...
its reali kinda disappointing... but its ok..
no 1 owes me anithin aniway... i knw i shld nt expect too much also..
all i hav to do is.. concentrate on wat i am suppose to do.. which is train well in army..

wats the point of missing some1 when tat some1 say she miss u but
din do anithin to make u feel tat she miss u...
wats word without action??
emptiness...

i reali damn tired nowadays..
i hav been pushin myself too hard for the last few trainins...
trainins is the only way i wont think too much..
i wana b the best in camp..
i wana let pple knw i am some1 special...
i wana some1 to be proud of me...
just any1 will do...

Labels: EMO-ED kent

Signing Off On|10/18/2008 11:10:00 PM|

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Sunday, October 05, 2008

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yo.. i am back...
the 1st sad thing happen to me was..
i left my wallet in camp...
meanin.. mi ATM,EZ-LINK,CASH
all inside camp...

-.-...

aniway.. i watch movie wid emily today... bunny house...
in case u all dono who this gal is... she is 1 of the gal i like b4...
but nt now animore i guess... haha...

den suay suay... i was sitting infront of jiahui n her bf..

-.-...

nth to post much also... tml watch movie again i guess...
eagle eyes... but don feel like watchin.. no money le sial...
at nite still goin to hav dinner wid yuefang sial...
plus need buy some biscuit to camp as promised...
KAO....
shld'nt hav left mi wallet inside...

had a pretty good chat wid yue fang actually...
so qiao tat she is in somewat the same condition as me...
so chated quite long and also decided to ask her for dinner
b4 i book in...

aniway.. this is the lyrics of the song of my previous song...
finally found it.. all thx to diane...

真的, 我沒事 - 符致逸
On and on the pain goes on
And it wouldn't just wouldn't die
我竟遠比想像中軟弱且無能為力
對你的眼神選擇了逃避
恨自己恨自己

On and on the pain lives on
It's hurting so much more
就讓我被悔不當初的罪惡吞去
懲罰過後能否帶來解脫
I'll be fine I'll be fine

So many cried listening to God
讓堅強不只是種偽裝
So many lies listening to you
天亮後 I will be fine

On and on the pain goes on and
I just don't know how to cope
伸手抱住自己是否就能夠不再空虛
最後信念別放棄
I will be fine

So many cried listening to you
希望你能再給我力量
So many lies listening to you
什麼時候 I will be fine

當我再也不對任何事期待
只剩下你只剩下你

有天當我捨棄一切見你
請妳要微笑不語

So many cried listening to you
希望你能再給我力量
So many lies listening to you
什麼時候
I will be fine

Labels: EMO-ED kent

Signing Off On|10/05/2008 12:01:00 AM|

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Wednesday, October 01, 2008

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today is mi book in day...
this few days when i am out of camp...
i feel tat alot of things hav changed...

the pple are no longer there...
no longer there for ani1 animore...
every1 is off for their own good already...
doin their own stuff that is nt like in the past animore...

and me? i hav been thinkin of some1... whom i dono shld i do tat animore...
a some1 who is so dearly in my heart...
a some1 who makes me think of her everynow and then...
a some1 who makes my world upside down...

everythin seems to hav change overtime...

feelings...
thinkings...
peoples...
places..

it just seems nt the same animore...
everythin is like hiding in the dark already...
nt that pure n innocent which i once know it to be...

to that very some 1 which is so special to me...
here is for you..
i don dare to think so much animore
i don dare to do anithin much animore
i don dare to giv in much animore...

cos i am no longer sure whats the very next damn thing that is gonna happen
everythin seems hiding in the dark between me n you...

Loving someone whom you Love is Not Hard but to be The Lover for someone whom u Love is really Very Hard...

this is what i realise gal...
i can wait... but i forget...
its not easy for you...

gal... you knw who you are..
you knw everything single feelings i had for you
and u knw that i will be still waitin for you...

but 1 thing u dono is.. i feel so insecure.. which is driving me crazy..
baby i love you... but do u love me the same way??
thats up to you to think abt it...
the song above.. its a very nice song...
everytime i heard this song.. tears would roll down my eyes for some reason..
and i wan you to listen to it... its for you gal....

i am always thinkin of you gal...
but did you?
did u really treat me as a important person in your life??
or just there to entertain me for the sake of entertaining??

if after reading this post
and you feel that i am wrong abt everytin...
will you just let me knw??
i wish i am wrong abt wat i am thinkin...
i wish everything is fine..
i love you gal...

Labels: EMO-ED kent

Signing Off On|10/01/2008 10:07:00 AM|

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