_______不能说的秘密______

Saturday, October 25, 2008

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hey guys...
i am back..
this time round...
my heart is abit held back...
for some things tat had happen...
and things tat are goin to happen...

i dono for wat reason...
i hav been doin reflections every nite b4 i slp in camp..
and i wont get to slp after gettin the conclusion of the reflections...
a few things tat i hav been thinkin...

1st... i knw my character sux...
i like to critisize pple wid their weakness...
and i like to compare my good points wid pple's bad points...
the worst thing is... i will make pple around me to feel the same as i do...
and the result of tat is.. to make tat person i hate to be hated by lots of pple...

2nd... i don like pple to accuse me... even if they did nt do it on purpose..
i will hav the urge to bring my fist to their mouth.. which i nearly do it in camp for gettin
accuse of nt flushing the damn urinal...

3rd.. i always look down on pple who are weaker than me... and think great abt myself..
and forget abt my own weakness...

4th... i always make fun of pple wid their weakness to entertain the rest of the crowd..
which always make the victim nth to say but just to laugh at themself...

friends.. if i ever did those stuff to you guys.. pls forgive me...

Now..
this is wat i felt deeply in myself...
all this days in camp... i din receive any smses until the day i book out...
my phone bat lasted for 6 days and there were still 3 bar of bat in my phone...
while the rest are busy chattin wid their loves 1 over the phone...
i am lyin alone on my bed... placing my phone on my chest... waitin desperately for
my phone to vibrate.. waitin for some1 who bother so sms me...
i din knw tat i would get tat lonely in camp...

i lost all internal emotions and feelings... suddenly.. i dono wat are friends for..
suddenly i feel tat wat i did for my friends are nt impt anymore...
suddenly everythin is like GONE in my whole life...

all my life.. i am always seekin acceptance... hoping tat some1 would accept me for who i am..
but HAHA.. i am nt willing to even reveal myself to any1... to me.. i dono who i can really trust..
cos every time when i wanted to trust some1 wid wat i am left wid... i will always end up being feeling like tat... emptiness and disappointment...

mayb just being alone by myself will make my life a better 1 for myself...
who don wana be love my many?
who don wana hav everythin they wan in life?
all i wanted WAS simple...
but now..
i dono wat i wan anymore...

and kent is once again... being the guy u all knw...
the guy who always walkin around alone at the back while the rest were in their own group..
cos kent don like to mix around... i am anti-social or watever term u all like to name...
i am just being myself... all the change did nt improve my happiness in life...
all i knw now is... i wan to be alone again... enjoyin the quietness by myself...
will any1 bother abt me? sometimes i just wonder who reali will drop a trueful tears on the day when i leave this world... who would really rmb me as their good friends or watever u all wanted to name it... am i being any significant in any 1 of your life??

haha... wat a stupid question to ask... who would come to kent and tell him how great he was to their life... all i knw is... i am tired of all this... tired of doin so much... puttin so much effort and all i always get back was disappointment.. and here i am.. grinning abt my own pathetic life... and who will ever care??

Labels: EMO-ED kent

Signing Off On|10/25/2008 10:12:00 PM|

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