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Friday, December 19, 2008

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hey... i knw i am nt suppose to post already...
but being at home doin nth much is really kinda bored...

and well, i did do some thinking tru out this a few days of slacking..
i wana use this chance... to say somethin mayb bad abt myself
or rather apologize to pple who i let down in my life....

hmm... lets start wid, myself... i knw i was quite a let-down... i knw i hav the substance
to succeed in many ways in my life... things like study, basketball, friendship, relationships, family, future planning, finance planning and all sort of stuff u can name it..

everything happens when i starts to get lazy....
the other day i was recalling, the image of me standin outside the class room door just abt to go in for mi lesson, but i walked off and make myself dissappear.
i know i shld hav attended the lesson...
i promised my mom tat i will go...
i force myself to leave the hse no matter wat...
but in the end... it all come back to square 1..

pple asked me in army.... do i regret for being a drop out in poly...
i would of cos tell dem.. regret also no use... cos its a fact already...
infact, i did nt regret dropping out... but i regret takin the easy way out rite from the start..
where i simply go to any course which my results let me in... and i got into this course where they make mi read wave form like the wave form knows me but i dono dem....
its kinda sux when u din do reali well in sch AND no 1 is reali there for u...
pple start blaming u, givin u countless lectures on Y u need to go sch..
but no 1 reali knw how does it feels like to b always being alone in this big sch...
mayb there is.. but they shld most probably ended up like me...
can u ever imagine attendin 1 semester widout speakin more than 15 phrases to ani of yr new class mate? CAN U?? wat do u all knw?? nth... cos u all din experience wat I experience...

u all must b wondering.... wondering if i nv go sch den where i go....
the ans is... i will always b at basketball court.... the place where pple acknowledge mi existance.
where pple gib me the respect of being their friends... the oni place i feel comfortable...
the feeling of always being alone.. is indescripable... but how many of u reali understand all this shit??

kent don reali need advice in life... he knws wat he is doin and wat is goin to happen to him next..
even if u giv him some advice.. most likely, he wont rmb a word after 15 mins... cos he live his own life, he makes his own decision and he do wat he love doing...

so much abt myself... now its time for other stuff...
hmmm... i knw for the past few months or rather this whole year..
i hav nt been myself in the relationship part...

i knw i let down some of you... which i nv imagine tat i will do tat...
i hav been real selfish and oni tot abt myself... i tried every ways to make it least hurtful
but i guess its still hurt quite hard... i din tend to charm u, i din tend to make u fall for me, i din tend to break yr heart, i din tend to lied to you, i reali do care.. but i knw i could'nt do much.. cos its nt up to me.. alot of times u must b thinkin y would i do such a thing to u... well.... sometimes, i reali don hav the choice... don hav the choice to make everything rite.. don hav the choice to make my own decision in life... don hav the choice to make it perfect for u...

its reali pointless sayin all this now... cos everythin has become a fact.. i hav hurt and being hurt.. tats wat relationship is abt.. i wont ask for forgivness.. but i hope dat u will reali hate me till u forget the bad things i did to u...

don get me wrong.... this is nt for oni 1 gal....
its for all the gals tat i had hurt..
u all may think tat i am a flirt guy..
wat can i say?
just think wat u all wana think abt me..
its actually all up to u to judge me..
but i wont care much.. cos... it doesnt bothers me animore...

kent nv fail to blog a long post...
NEVER.... cos everyday... he will always b thinkin constantly...
watever rubbish he can think of.... he thinks...
and he somehow knw wat u r thinkin of...
i will nt say tat he is perfect...
but at least, he is still aware of his faults...
he hav hurt some, but love many...
he lose to much to others and now he is being left 1 side to suffer..
wid watever he is left wid, he is goin to build up his own life wid his 2 hands
and 1 sincere heart... to make ani1 close to him proud...
and that is goin to happen... cos he hav faith in him...
everythin is gonna b great...
tommorow will always b better....


Kent

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Signing Off On|12/19/2008 03:03:00 AM|

_____________

Who I Am__________

Name:Kent
Bdae:26/02/89
E-mail:kent123kenji@hotmail.com


我很神秘 应为我不想让别人知道我的心酸 我可不想装得很可悲,好让人家来给我安慰


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